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Siddhu (Siddhu)
Junior Brain
Username: Siddhu
Post Number: 144
Registered: 03-2008
Posted From: 75.108.204.241
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, April 17, 2008 - 11:04 am: | 
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http://meecinema.net/ |
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 04, 2006 - 06:06 am: |
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Tony, having his second son christened, was much concerned about getting the correct name on the birth certificate. "Will you, please, name the baby just as I give it to you?"
"Certainly," answered the minister, "why shouldn't I?"
"Well you see, it's like this," replied Tony. "When I told you I wanted to name my first boy Tom, you added "AS" and wrote on his birth certificate 'Thomas.' This boy I want to name Jack."
Once upon a time, a man asked his girl, "Will you marry me?"
She said, "No." And they lived happily ever after.
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 04, 2006 - 06:00 am: |
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REASONS YOUR PET WOULD MAKE A GOOD LAWYER
Your dog already has a lot of practice yapping continuously for hours.
Ferrets are already members of the weasel family.
She may look like a cocker spaniel, but during cross-examination she becomes a real pit bull.
If you're willing to drink from a toilet, you'll do whatever it takes to win a case.
Objections impossible to overrule when using "puppy dog eyes."
Despite mountains of implicating evidence, the cat still has that "what are you getting at?" look.
If there's anything that commands fear and respect, it's a parakeet in an Italian-cut suit.
Once upon a time, a man asked his girl, "Will you marry me?"
She said, "No." And they lived happily ever after.
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 04, 2006 - 05:59 am: |
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My 11-year-old nephew, Adam, was taking bagpipe lessons. Although he had been enthusiastic at first, my sister, Jennifer, was soon reminding him to practice. But then, much to her delight, she noticed that he began spending several hours a week practicing diligently in his room in the basement with the door closed. As Jennifer was going upstairs one evening, she was pleased to hear the familiar screeching and wailing sounds coming from Adam's room. Until, that is, she met him on the stairs. He had forgotten to turn his tape recorder off.
A police car pulled me over near the high school where I teach. As the officer asked for my license and registration, my students began to drive past. Some honked their horns, others hooted, and still others stopped to admonish me for speeding.
Finally the officer asked me if I was a teacher at the school, and I told him I was.
"I think you've paid your debt to society," he said with a smile, and left without giving me a ticket.
Once upon a time, a man asked his girl, "Will you marry me?"
She said, "No." And they lived happily ever after.
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 04, 2006 - 05:54 am: |
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During the heat of the space race in the 1960's, NASA decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules.
After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of $1 million. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on earth.
The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.
Once upon a time, a man asked his girl, "Will you marry me?"
She said, "No." And they lived happily ever after.
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, January 04, 2006 - 05:49 am: |
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Two Wolves
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes
on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between 2 "wolves"
inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret,
greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies,
false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace,
love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy,
generosity, truth, compassion and faith." The grandson thought about it
for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?" The old
Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
Once upon a time, a man asked his girl, "Will you marry me?"
She said, "No." And they lived happily ever after.
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, December 31, 2005 - 02:45 am: |
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What's the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons.
Civil engineers build targets.
An engineer, a mathmatician and an arts graduate were given the task of finding the height of a church steeple (the first to get the correct solution wins a $1000).
The engineer tried to remember things about differential pressures, but resorted to climbing the steeple and lowering a string on a plumb bob until it touched the ground and then climbed down and measured the length of the string.
The Mathematician layed out a reference line, measured the angle to the top of the steeple from both ends and worked out the height by trigonometry.
However, the arts graduate won the prize. He bought the vicar a beer in the local pub and he told him how high the church steeple was.
Once upon a time, a man asked his girl, "Will you marry me?"
She said, "No." And they lived happily ever after.
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, December 31, 2005 - 02:43 am: |
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An astronaut in space was asked by a reporter, "How do you feel?"
"How would you feel," the astronout replied, "if you were stuck here, on top of 20,000 parts each one supplied by the lowest bidder?"
Once upon a time, a man asked his girl, "Will you marry me?"
She said, "No." And they lived happily ever after.
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, December 31, 2005 - 02:39 am: |
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Top Ten Things Engineering School didn't Teach You
1. There are at least 10 types of capacitors.
2. Theory tells you how a circuit works, not why it does not work.
3. Not everything works according to the specs in the databook.
4. Anything practical you learn will be obsolete before you use it, except the complex math, which you will never use.
5. Engineering is like having an 8 a.m. class and a late afternoon lab every day for the rest of your life.
6. Overtime pay? What overtime pay?
7. Managers, not engineers, rule the world.
8. Always try to fix the hardware with software.
9. If you like junk food, caffeine and all-nighters, go into software.
10. Dilbert is not a comic strip, it's a documentary.
Once upon a time, a man asked his girl, "Will you marry me?"
She said, "No." And they lived happily ever after.
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, December 31, 2005 - 02:36 am: |
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A mathmatician, a physicist, and an engineer were all given a red rubber ball and told to find the volume.
The mathmatician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral.
The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in the water, and measured the total displacement.
The engineer looked up the model and serial numbers in his red-rubber-ball table.
Once upon a time, a man asked his girl, "Will you marry me?"
She said, "No." And they lived happily ever after.
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, December 31, 2005 - 02:34 am: |
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Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and when the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, crashed through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin.
Horrified Britons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the U.S. scientists for suggestions. NASA's response was just one sentence, "THAW THE CHICKEN!"
Once upon a time, a man asked his girl, "Will you marry me?"
She said, "No." And they lived happily ever after.
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, December 31, 2005 - 02:31 am: |
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Three men: a project manager, a software engineer, and a hardware engineer are helping out on a project. About midweek they decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says "Normally I would grant you three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant you each one wish."
The hardware engineer went first. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas.
The software engineer went next. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean.
Last, but not least, it was the project manager's turn. "And what would your wish be?" asked the genie.
"I want them both back after lunch" replied the project manager.
Once upon a time, a man asked his girl, "Will you marry me?"
She said, "No." And they lived happily ever after.
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, December 31, 2005 - 02:29 am: |
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A sailor met a pirate, and they started to talk about their adventures
at sea. The sailor noticed that the pirate had a peg leg, a hook, and a
eye patch. The sailor asked,
"So, tell me, how did you end up with the peg leg?
The pirate replies,
"We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of
sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."
"Wow!" exclaimed the sailor. "How did you get that hook?"
"Well," replies the pirate, "we boarded an enemy ship and were battling
the other sailors with swords. One of them cut off my hand."
"Incredible!" remarked the sailor. "So, how did you get the eye patch
then?"
"A seagull 'dropping' fell into my eye," replies the pirate.
"What?! You lost your eye to a seagull 'dropping'?" the sailor asked in
surprise. "How?"
"Well... says the pirate, "it was my first day with the hook."
Once upon a time, a man asked his girl, "Will you marry me?"
She said, "No." And they lived happily ever after.
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, December 31, 2005 - 02:24 am: |
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"Doc, you've got to help my husband," a farmer's wife said frantically
into the phone. "He thinks he's a race horse. He wants to live in a
stable, he walks on all fours, and he even eats hay!"
"Well, I'm pretty sure I can cure him," the doctor responded, "but it'll
be very expensive!"
"Oh, money's no object," she said. "He's already won three races!"
Once upon a time, a man asked his girl, "Will you marry me?"
She said, "No." And they lived happily ever after.
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, December 31, 2005 - 02:19 am: |
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When a man met his friend on the street one day, he noticedthat he had a terrible cold. He asked him if he had seen adoctor about it and his friend said, "No, but I probablyshould. Do you know a good doctor?" The man gave hisfriend the name of his own doctor and assured him thathe would be in good hands.About a week later, they met again and the man wasn't sureif his friend's cold was really better. So, he asked him,"Did you see my doctor?""Oh, yeah," his friend said. "He was a really nice guy."The man asked, "Did he give you something to help your cold?""Sure did," his friend answered, somewhat enthusiastically."He told me to drink a big glass of fresh orange juice after a hot bath."The man asked, "Well, did it help?"And his!
friend said, "I don't really know,I haven't finished drinking the bath yet."
Once upon a time, a man asked his girl, "Will you marry me?"
She said, "No." And they lived happily ever after.
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, December 31, 2005 - 02:18 am: |
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The first woman recruit in the Army reported for duty and was told that
although her quarters would be in a separate building, she was to mess
with the men. It wasn't until four weeks later someone finally told her
that meant to eat her meals with them.
Once upon a time, a man asked his girl, "Will you marry me?"
She said, "No." And they lived happily ever after.
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Saturday, December 31, 2005 - 02:16 am: |
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After many years of wondering why he didn't look like
his younger sister or brother, Joe finally got up
the nerve to ask his mother if he was adopted.
"Yes, you were, Son," his mother said as she started
to cry softly. "But it didn't work out, and
they brought you back."
~
The highways will be safer now that the price of
gasoline is so high.
Nobody can afford to drink AND drive.
Once upon a time, a man asked his girl, "Will you marry me?"
She said, "No." And they lived happily ever after.
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, December 26, 2005 - 03:03 am: |
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Santa : That Cow is a Lovely Colour ,
Farmer : Yes, it's a Jersey.
Santa : Oh, I Thought it was its Skin...!!!
Once upon a time, a man asked his girl, "Will you marry me?"
She said, "No." And they lived happily ever after.
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, December 26, 2005 - 02:49 am: |
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How can a Sardar Kill a Lion ?
Sardarji thinks N thinks hard & comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me.
Once upon a time, a man asked his girl, "Will you marry me?"
She said, "No." And they lived happily ever after.
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, September 26, 2005 - 03:42 am: |
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I had a pastor friend who went into the pulpit one Sunday morning
wearing a pair of new bifocals. The reading portion of the glasses
improved his vision considerably, but the top portion of the glasses
didn't work so well. In fact he was experiencing dizziness every time he
looked through them. He explained to the congregation that the new
glasses were causing problems, then said, " I hope you will excuse my
continually removing my glasses. You see when I look down I can see
fine, but when I look at you, it makes me sick."
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, September 26, 2005 - 03:40 am: |
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A first grade class comes in from recess.
Ms. Goldstein the teacher asks Sarah, "What did you do at recess?"
Sarah says, "I played in the sand box."
Teacher says, "That's good. Go to the blackboard, and if you
can write 'sand' correctly, I'll give you a fresh baked cookie."
She does and gets a cookie.
Teacher asks Morris what he did at recess.
Morris says, "I played with Sarah in the sand box."
Ms. Goldstein says, "Good. If you write 'box" correctly on the
blackboard, I'll give you a fresh baked cookie."
Morris does and gets a cookie.
Teacher then asks Mustaffa Abdul Mahmoud what he did at recess.
He says, "I tried to play with Sarah and Morris, but they threw
rocks at me."
Ms. Goldstein says, "Threw rocks at you? That sounds like blatant
inter-racial discrimination. If you can go the blackboard and
write 'blatant inter-racial discrimination' I'll give you a cookie."
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, August 25, 2005 - 04:23 am: |
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BLONDIE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After she woke up, a woman told her husband,
"I just had a dream that you gave me the most beautiful
diamond necklace. What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight." he said with a smile.
The woman could hardly think of anything else all
day and she couldn't wait for her husband to return
home. That evening, the man finally came home with a
small package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it excitedly to find a book
entitled... "The Meaning of Dreams"
August is the only month in the calendar that can also be used as an adjective.
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, August 25, 2005 - 04:22 am: |
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A defense attorney was cross-examining a Police officer during a felony
trial-it went like this....
Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of
the offender running several blocks away.
Q. Officer, who provided this description?
A. The officer who responded to the scene.
Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender...
Do you trust your fellow officers?
A. Yes sir, with my life.
Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then officer, do you have a room
where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?
A. Yes sir, we do.
Q. And do you have a locker in that room?
A. Yes sir, I do.
Q. And do you have a lock on your locker?
A. Yes sir.
Q. Now why is it officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life,
that you find it necessary to lock
your locker in a room you share with those same officers?
A. You see sir, we share the building with the entire court complex,and
sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.
With that, the courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was
called.
The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's best comeback
line and we think he'll win.
August is the only month in the calendar that can also be used as an adjective.
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, August 01, 2005 - 06:20 am: |
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Two of my friends, Lenny and Jason, were discussing the amazing advances in automotive technology.
"You know," said Jason, "cars are almost entirely run by computer. Pretty soon, more electric cars will be on the market. Before long, for heaven's sake, they'll probably come up with a biological car."
"We already have a biological car, Jason," said Lenny. "It's called a horse."
August is the only month in the calendar that can also be used as an adjective.
August : grand, noble, revered.
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, August 01, 2005 - 06:20 am: |
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Mike checked into his hotel room and immediately noticed a dead
cockroach on the floor. He called the front desk, asked for the manager
and raised a fuss.
"Sir, please calm down," the manager replied. "It's dead. It can't
bother you now."
"The dead roach doesn't bother me." Mike said. "It's his
pallbearers and the funeral party."
August is the only month in the calendar that can also be used as an adjective.
August : grand, noble, revered.
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, August 01, 2005 - 06:19 am: |
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Q. Cross a librarian with a lawyer and what do you get?
A. All the information you want, except you can't understand it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My friend and I spent a day on Lake Michigan trolling for salmon. Greg is a veterinarian researching fish diseases. However, with one of his catches destined for his dinner table that evening, Greg looked at me and said, "Now you know why I decided not to do my research on mice."
August is the only month in the calendar that can also be used as an adjective.
August : grand, noble, revered.
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, August 01, 2005 - 06:18 am: |
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The street flower vendor was an 'old hand' at unloading the last
remaining bunches of flowers at the end of each day.
Appealing to a businessman on his way home, the vendor says,
"How about a nice bunch of roses to surprise your wife?"
"Haven't got a wife," responded the businessman gruffly.
"Then how about some carnations for your girlfriend?" proposed the
vendor without missing a beat.
"Haven't got a girlfriend."
"You lucky guy!" The vendor broke into a big smile. . .
"Then buy both bunches to celebrate!"
August is the only month in the calendar that can also be used as an adjective.
August : grand, noble, revered.
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, August 01, 2005 - 06:16 am: |
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A little boy was taken to the dentist. It was discovered that he had a
"first time" cavity that would have to be filled.
"Now young man," asked the dentist, "what kind of filling would you like
for that tooth?"
"Chocolate, please," replied the youngster, after some careful
deliberation on his part.
August is the only month in the calendar that can also be used as an adjective.
August : grand, noble, revered.
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, August 01, 2005 - 06:16 am: |
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A
Company was coming over and I was frantically trying to get our house
ready. I was also driving my family crazy, barking out orders to pick
up, help set the table, and not to mess up the living room.
While I was cleaning the kitchen, I realized I'd pushed them too far.
"Mary," I snapped at my 12-year old daughter, "WHERE'S THE BROOM?"
"I don't know, Mom," she fired back. "Where'd you park it when you
landed?"
August is the only month in the calendar that can also be used as an adjective.
August : grand, noble, revered.
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, August 01, 2005 - 06:15 am: |
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Proper attire is required in the cafeteria at the University
of Maine. To enforce that rule, the management posted this
notice: "Shoes are required to eat in this cafeteria."
Next to it, a student added, "Socks can eat wherever they
want."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I asked "What brand is this blended coffee? And the waiter said,
"Yesterday and today's."
Do you know what style of shoes a frog loves most?
Open toad!
Engineering classes at the University of Maryland are tough, and struggling students sometimes go to extremes in order to pass. Grading exams one semester, I got to this question: "What is the relationship between kinetic and potential energy?"
One student, obviously stumped, decided to get clever and wrote, "As far as I know, they're just friends, but there could be something else going on there."
Mrs Jones: My husband beats me up every morning.
Mrs Smith: My gosh! How terrible!
Mrs Jones: Yes, he gets up at seven and I get up at eight.
August is the only month in the calendar that can also be used as an adjective.
August : grand, noble, revered.
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, July 27, 2005 - 05:03 am: |
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An airline pilot with poor eyesight managed to pass his periodic vision exams
by memorizing the eye charts beforehand. One year, though, his doctor used a new
chart that the pilot had never before seen. The pilot proceeded to recite the
old chart and the doctor realized that he'd been suckered all these years.
Then the doctor could not contain his curiosity. "How is it that someone with
your eyesight can manage to pilot a plane at all? I mean, how for example do you
taxi the plane out to the runway?"
"Well," said the pilot, "it's really not very hard. All you have to do is
follow the instructions of the ground controller over the radio. And besides,
the landmarks have all become quite familiar to me over the years."
"I can understand that," replied the doctor. "But what about the
take-off?"
"Again, a simple procedure. I just aim the plane down the runway, go to full
throttle, pull back on the stick, and off we go!"
"But once you're aloft?"
"Oh, everything's fully automated these days. The flight computer knows our
destination, and all I have to do is hit the auto-pilot and the plane pretty
much flies itself."
"But I still don't see how you land!"
"Oh, that's the easiest part of all. All I do is use the airport's radio
beacon to get us on the proper glide path. Then I just throttle down and wait
for the co-pilot to yell, 'AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!', then I will pull the nose up,
and the plane lands just fine!"
june pOyi july puDitE seeniyaruki jooniyaruki kaalEjee campus lOnE raaging aarambham
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, July 27, 2005 - 05:01 am: |
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A young man was delighted to finally be asked home to meet the
parents of the young woman he'd been seeing for some time.
He was quite nervous
about the meeting, though, and by the time he arrived punctually at
the doorstep he was in a state of gastric distress.
The problem developed into one of acute flatulence, and halfway
through the canapes the young man realized he couldn't hold it in
one second longer without exploding. A tiny fart escaped.
"SPOT!" called out the young woman's mother to the family dog,
lying at the young man's feet.
Relieved at the dog's having been blamed, the young man let
another, slightly larger one go. "Spot!" she called out sharply.
"I've got it made," thought the fellow to himself. One more and
I'll feel fine. So he let loose a really big one.
"Spot!" shrieked the mother. "Get over here before he craps on you!"
june pOyi july puDitE seeniyaruki jooniyaruki kaalEjee campus lOnE raaging aarambham
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, July 15, 2005 - 11:32 pm: |
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gatlane bhai, naa thaana unna jokes anni nenu postuthai ... meeru chaduvuthai... chadivi meeru... 
june pOyi july puDitE seeniyaruki jooniyaruki kaalEjee campus lOnE raaging aarambham
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Naidu_baava
Posted From: 64.174.7.191
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, July 14, 2005 - 12:51 pm: |
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Diretru
Nee jokes anni mastunnayi. Gitlane continue cheyyu malla. |
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, July 14, 2005 - 12:43 am: |
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Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to
wondering about things. "Mommy, why has Daddy got so few
hairs on his head?", he asked his mother.
"He thinks a lot," replied his mother, pleased with herself for
coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness.
"So why do YOU have so much hair?," Little Johnny asks.
"Go eat your breakfast!" snarled his mother.
june pOyi july puDitE seeniyaruki jooniyaruki kaalEjee campus lOnE raaging aarambham
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, July 14, 2005 - 12:42 am: |
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A little girl had just listened to her mother reading her one of her
favorite fairy tales. "Mommy," asked the child, "do all fairy tales
begin with Once Upon a Time...?"
"No, dearest," replied the mother, "sometimes they start with 'Darling,
I have to work a little late at the office tonight"
june pOyi july puDitE seeniyaruki jooniyaruki kaalEjee campus lOnE raaging aarambham
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, July 14, 2005 - 12:37 am: |
|
A daughter broke-up with her boyfriend.
She asked her Mother's advice about returning the
gifts he'd given her.
Without a pause, her Mother replied: "Send back the
stuffed animals and letters, but keep the jewelry for
sentimental reasons."
june pOyi july puDitE seeniyaruki jooniyaruki kaalEjee campus lOnE raaging aarambham
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, July 14, 2005 - 12:35 am: |
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A large company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. This new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall.
The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business! The new CEO walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and
asked, "How much money do you make a week?" A little surprised, the young fellow looked at him and replied, "I make $300.00 a week. Why?"
The CEO then handed the guy $1,200 in cash and screamed, "Here's four weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back."
Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?"
From across the room came a voice, "Pizza delivery guy from Papa John's ."
june pOyi july puDitE seeniyaruki jooniyaruki kaalEjee campus lOnE raaging aarambham
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, July 11, 2005 - 01:12 am: |
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A minister delivered a sermon in ten minutes one Sunday morning,
which was about half the usual length of his sermons. He explained, "I
regret to inform you that my dog, who is very fond of eating paper, ate
that portion of my sermon which I was unable to deliver this morning."
After the service, a visitor from another church shook hands with
the preacher and said, "Pastor, if that dog of yours has any puppies, I
want to get one to give to my minister.
All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle.
They reached the altar and the waiting groom;
the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand.
We guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter.
Even the minister smiled broadly.
As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.
Q. What happened to the sardine when it didn't show up for work?
A. It was canned.
~
Q. When do clocks die?
A. When their time is up.
~
Q. Why don't you ever bring a duck into the washroom with you?
A. Because it might be "a Pekin"!
~
Q. Why did the man run around his bed?
A. Because he wanted to catch up on his sleep.
~
Q. Where do rabbits work?
A. At IHOP restuarants.
~
Q. Where do crayons go on vacation?
A. To Color-ado.
~
Q. What movie were you watching when your VW was recalled?
A. Return of the Jetta
~
Q. Which Star Wars 'Wookie' is on the fast-track to mouth cancer?
A. Chewbacco!
~
june pOyi july puDitE seeniyaruki jooniyaruki kaalEjee campus lOnE raaging aarambham
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, July 11, 2005 - 01:06 am: |
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A man goes to the doctor with a swollen leg. After a careful examination, the doctor gives the man a pill big enough to choke a horse.
"I'll be right back with some water," the doctor tells him.
The doctor has been gone a while and the man loses patience. He hobbles out to the drinking fountain, forces the pill down his throat and gobbles down water until the pill clears his throat. He hobbles back into the examining room.
The doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water. "Ok, after the tablet dissolves, you should soak that leg for at least 30 minutes."
As the bus pulled away, I realized I had left my purse under the seat.
Later I called the company and was relieved that the driver had found my
bag.
When I went to pick it up, several off-duty bus drivers surrounded me.
One man handed me my pocketbook, two typewritten pages and a box
containing the contents of my purse.
"We're required to inventory lost wallets and purses," he explained. "I
think you'll find everything there."
As I started to put my belongings back into the purse, the man
continued. . .
"I hope you don't mind if we watch. Even though we all tried, none of
us could fit everything into your purse and... well, we'd like to see
just how you do it."
Late one night, a man walks into a dentist's surgery and says,
"Excuse me, can you help me. I think I'm a moth."
Dentist: "You don't need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist."
Man: "Yes, I know."
Dentist: "So why did you come in here?"
Man: "Well .... the light was on..."
june pOyi july puDitE seeniyaruki jooniyaruki kaalEjee campus lOnE raaging aarambham
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, July 11, 2005 - 01:03 am: |
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Q. Why didn't the frog sit on the toadstool?
A. Because there wasn't mushroom.
~
Q. Why isn't your nose 12 inches long?
A. Because then it would be a foot!
~
Q. How do you cut a wave?
A. With a sea saw.
~
Q. What do you call a happy Lassie?
A. A jolly collie.
~
Q. Why did the spider have fireflies for dinner?
A. It wanted to have a light meal.
~
A laugh is a smile with fireworks.
~
Q. Where do hogs keep their money?
A. In piggy banks.
~
Q. What did one penny say to the other penny?
A. Together we make cents.
~
Q. How can you tell when a fax has been sent from a blonde?
A. It has a stamp on it.
~
Q. What goes VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH?
A. A blonde going through a flashing red light.
~
Q. Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A. In case she locks her keys in her car.
june pOyi july puDitE seeniyaruki jooniyaruki kaalEjee campus lOnE raaging aarambham
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, June 15, 2005 - 11:51 pm: |
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Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when
he saw him. Murphy had never been seen in church in his life. After
Mass, the priest caught up with Murphy and said,
"Murphy, I am so glad you decided to come to Mass! What made you come?"
Murphy said,
"I got to be honest with you, Father. A while back, I misplaced me hat
and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just
like me hat, and I knew that McGlynn came to church every Sunday. I
also knew that McGlynn had to take off his hat during Mass and I figured
he would leave it in the back of the church. So, I was going to leave
after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."
The priest said,
"Well, Murphy, I notice that you didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What
changed your mind?"
Murphy said,
"Well, after I heard your sermon on the ten commandments, I decided I
didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat."
The priest gave Murphy a big smile and said,
"After I talked about, 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' you decided you would
rather do without the hat than burn in hell, right?"
Murphy shook his head and replied,
"No, Father . . .. after you talked about, 'Thou Shalt Not Commit
Adultery' I suddenly remembered where I left me hat."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One evening, Milton shows his wife their latest telephone bill. "Rose,
you just have to cut down on your calls. This bill is for over $300 and
that's a very high cost for just 1 month."
"You're right, darling," Rose says, "I promise to do my best to curtail
my calls."
"Thanks," says Milton. Milton starts to monitor the calls on a daily
basis and is pleased to see that Rose is keeping to her promise. But
then gradually, as he thought would happen, he sees the daily elapsed
time start to increase again. Then one evening, as Rose dials a number
and makes another call, Milton decides to discuss the situation with her
when she puts down the phone, whenever that will be. Fifteen minutes
later, Rose puts down the phone.
"What a surprise," says Milton sarcastically, "how come such a short
call?"
"Oh, it was a wrong number." she says.
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, June 15, 2005 - 03:39 am: |
|
Confiding in a co-worker, I told her about a problem in our office and my fear that I would lose my job. She was concerned and said she would pray for me. I know she keeps a list of ten people she believes need her prayers the most, so I asked if she had room for me on her list.
"Oh, yes," she replied. "Three of the people have died."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To the woman who was applying for a job as a typist, the employer said: "You have plenty of speed and are good at spelling, but do you understand the importance of punctuation?" "Oh yes," the woman replied "I always get to work on time."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For the first time, my wife was playing charades. She indicated she was going to act out one word, held up her hand and fluttered her fingers while moving her arm down. "Rain!" I called out. She shook her head no and went on to other pantomimes of her word. I gave up and took the word card from her hand. There, written in large letters, was the word reign.
Puzzled, I said, "But Dolores, why did you say I was wrong?"
"It wasn't spelled right," she explained.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MURPHY'S LAW
On her way to work, a colleague of mine had fallen and grazed her knee. At the office I told her where the first-aid metal box was kept, and she left to get a bandage. When I saw her later that morning, I noticed that she had a large bulky dressing on her finger. "I thought it was your knee you injured when you fell. What happened to your finger?" I asked. She replied, "I sliced it on the first-aid box and had to go to the doctor to get it stitched!"
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, June 15, 2005 - 03:36 am: |
|
LAST CALL Y'ALL
John Smith was the only Protestant to move into a large Catholic neighborhood. On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill.Meanwhile, all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper.
This went on each Friday of Lent. On the last Friday of Lent, the neighborhood en got together and decided that something had to be done about John, he was tempting them to eat meat each Friday of Lent, and they couldn't take it anymore.
They decided to try and convert John to be a Catholic. They went over and talked to him and were so happy that he decided to join all of his neighbors and become a Catholic. They took him to church, and the Priest sprinkled some water over
him and said, "You were born a Baptist, you were raised a Baptist, and now you are a Catholic."
The men were so relieved, now their biggest Lenten temptation was resolved. The next year's Lenten season rolled around. The first Friday of Lent came, and just at supper time, when the neighborhood was sitting down to their tuna fish dinner, came the wafting smell of steak cooking on a grill.
The neighborhood men could not believe their noses! WHAT WAS GOING ON? They called each other up and decided to meet over in John's yard to see if he had forgotten it was the first Friday of Lent?The group arrived just in time to see John standing over his grill with a small pitcher of water. He was sprinkling some water over his steak on the grill, saying, "You were born a cow, you were raised a cow, and now you are a fish."
An instructor in the BASIC programming language was teaching his class
how to write a simple program and execute it. When each student had all
their program steps keyed in, he told the class to type R-U-N and enter.
A lady in the back of the class said that it didn't work. It turned out,
when the instructor had said to type R-U-N, she had typed, "are you in."
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, June 13, 2005 - 04:47 am: |
|
One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his
bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops, a few
people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.
At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six foot
eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the
driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back. Did I mention
that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was.
Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it.
The next day the same thing happened-Big John got on again, made
a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the one after
that, and so forth. This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over
the way Big John was taking advantage of him. Finally he could stand it no
longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good
stuff. By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's more, he
felt really good about himself.
So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus
and said, "Big John doesn't pay!," the driver stood up, glared back at the
passenger, and screamed, "And why not?"
With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, "Big John
has bus pass."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At a golf course, four men approached the sixteenth tee. The straight
fairway ran along a road and bike path fenced off on the left.
The first golfer teed off and hooked the ball in that direction. But the
ball went over the fence and bounced off the bike path onto the road,
where it hit the tire of a moving bus and was knocked back on to the
fairway.
As they all stood in silent amazement, one man finally asked him, "How
on earth did you do that?"
He shrugged his shoulders and said, "You have to know the bus schedule."
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, June 09, 2005 - 03:43 am: |
|
Bet ya I get mail over this'en
A Cajun man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire
him until he passes a little math test.
"Here's your first question, the foreman said.
"Without using numbers, represent the number 9."
"Without numbers?" the Cajun says, "Dat is easy." and proceeds to draw three trees. "What's this?" the boss asks.
"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine,"
says the Cajun.
"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second
question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."
The Cajun stares into space for awhile, then picks up
the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge
on each tree. "Ere you go." The boss scratches his head
and says, "How on earth do you get that
to represent 99?"
"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty
tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."
The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually
have to hire this Cajun, so he says, "all right, last question.
Same rules again, but represent the number 100."
The Cajun stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of
each tree and says,"Ere you go. One hundred."
The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if
you think that represents a hundred!"
(Thought you'd like this one)
The Cajun leans forward and points to the marks at the
base of each tree and says,
"A little dog came along and crap by each tree. So
now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a
turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes one hundred.....
So, when I start?!"
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, June 09, 2005 - 03:37 am: |
|
Appraisal:
---------------
Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often Bob takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
sent away as soon as possible.
SD - Project Leader
A MEMO WAS SOON SENT FOLLOWING THE LETTER:
That stupid idiot was reading over my shoulder when I wrote
the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd
lines 1,3,5,7,9,11,13 for my true assessment of him.
Regards,
SD-Project Leader
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy of the rest of us. Heaven Help Them
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, June 02, 2005 - 07:17 am: |
|
He: Would you like to dance?
She: Not with you.
He: Oh, come on, lower your standards a little. I did.
~
Q: What's the difference between husbands and prisoners?
A: Prisoners complain behind bars. Husbands complain in them.
~
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never
worries about the future until he gets a wife.
~
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A
successful woman is one who can find such a man!
~
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
~
Q. Why do they put telephone wires so high?
A. To keep up the conversation.
~
Oh God," sighed the wife one morning, "I'm convinced my mind is almost completely gone!"
Her husband looked up from the newspaper and commented, "I'm not surprised. You've been giving me a piece of it every day for twenty years!"
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, and then the driver said: "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."
"Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver." the driver replied. "I've been driving a van carrying dead bodies for the last 25 years. So I'm not used to such taps from the back seat"
pachchandanamE pachchadanamE edige paruvam pachchadaname nee chirunavvu pachchadanamE yadaku sammatam chelime yadaku sammatam chelime yadaku sammatam chelime
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, June 02, 2005 - 07:10 am: |
|
An elderly couple stood near me in the supermarket's
produce section. The man picked up a bunch of bananas
and said to his wife, "These are nice. How about some
banana-nut bread?"
I glanced at his spouse and felt sorry for her. She
looked tired and, I presumed, not willing to do any
baking. My sympathy vanished, however, when she
snapped at him, "I'm sick of banana-nut bread, Joe!
Can't you make something else?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FINALLY A LITTLE PEACE AND SAFETY
The widow lay crying on her psychiatrist's couch. "We
were married twenty-five years before he died," she
said, dabbing away a tear.
"Never had an argument in all those years."
"Amazing," said the doctor. "How did you do it?"
"I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a coward."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a
policeman. Several months later, a friend asked him how he
liked his new role.
"Well," he replied, "the pay is good and the hours aren't
bad, but what I like best is that the customer is always
wrong."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
pachchandanamE pachchadanamE edige paruvam pachchadaname nee chirunavvu pachchadanamE yadaku sammatam chelime yadaku sammatam chelime yadaku sammatam chelime
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, June 02, 2005 - 07:07 am: |
|
A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a
word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and
neither wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife
sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."
pachchandanamE pachchadanamE edige paruvam pachchadaname nee chirunavvu pachchadanamE yadaku sammatam chelime yadaku sammatam chelime yadaku sammatam chelime
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, May 23, 2005 - 03:21 am: |
|
A man suffered a heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. Post surgery he woke up to find himself under the care of nuns at a Catholic private hospital.
On his way to recovery, a senior nun and her pretty assitant came up to him and asked him regarding how he was going to pay for services.
He was asked if he had health insurance. he replied in a raspy weak voice, "No"
The nun asked if he had any money in the bank. He replied, "No" The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?" He said, "I only have a spinster sister who is also a nun."
The junior nun got a little perturbed and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to the lord." The patient replied, "Then please send the bill to my brother in law."
pachchandanamE pachchadanamE toli toli valape pachchadanamE
pachchika navvula pachchadanamE yadaku sammatam chelime
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, May 23, 2005 - 03:20 am: |
|
The doctor had just hired a new secretary.
Having trouble with the doctor¹s notes on an emergency case which read,
"Shot in the lumbar region," the poor girl was flustered and at her
wit's end.
At last she thought she had it figured out and brightened up as she
typed up the record, "Wounded in the woods."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A 92 year-old man went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. At his follow up visit the doctor talked to the man and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" The man replied, "Just doing what you said Doctor, 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful'." The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful."
pachchandanamE pachchadanamE toli toli valape pachchadanamE
pachchika navvula pachchadanamE yadaku sammatam chelime
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, May 23, 2005 - 03:18 am: |
|
Tammy had a wedding to attend and needed a wedding gift.
"Aha", she thought, "I have that monogrammed silver tray from my wedding
that I never use. I'll just take it to a silversmith and have him
remove my monogram and put hers on it. Voila, one cheap wedding
present. Am I smart, or what?!"
So Tammy takes the tray to the silversmith and asks him to remove her
monogram and put the new one on. The silversmith examins the tray
carefully, shakes his head and says. . . .
"Lady, this can only be done so many times!"
pachchandanamE pachchadanamE toli toli valape pachchadanamE
pachchika navvula pachchadanamE yadaku sammatam chelime
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, May 17, 2005 - 07:14 am: |
|
The teacher asked her class what each wanted to become when
they grew up. A chorus of responses came from all over the room.
"A football player," "A doctor," "An astronaut," "The president,"
"A fireman," "A teacher," "A race car driver." Everyone that is, except Tommy.
The teacher noticed he was sitting there quiet and still. So she said
to him, "Tommy, what do you want to be when you grow up?"
"Possible" Tommy replied.
"Possible?" asked the teacher.
"Yes," Tommy said. "My mom is always telling me I'm impossible. So
when I get to be big, I want to be possible."
The Truth can only ever be told in the contradictions. Or in Silence.
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, May 17, 2005 - 07:12 am: |
|
Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned to an
attendant standing nearby.
"This," she said, "I suppose, is one of those hideous
representations you call modern art?"
"No, Madam," replied the attendant. "That one's called
a mirror."
The Truth can only ever be told in the contradictions. Or in Silence.
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, May 12, 2005 - 11:17 pm: |
|
Thanks, keerthi06
The Truth can only ever be told in the contradictions. Or in Silence.
|
Keerthi06
Posted From: 130.75.157.126
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, May 12, 2005 - 07:54 am: |
|
Am a new member. Hello everyone. Your jokes r good director. Keep up the good work. |
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 11:19 pm: |
|
Two lifeguards are working together on a beach when one of
them notices sharks circling a woman who has drifted out a little too
far. He begins to get up to race to her rescue when the other lifeguard
grabs his arm and holds him back. The first lifeguard says,"Why are you
holding me back? We have to go save that woman!"
To which the other replies, "Don't worry. That woman is
my mother-in-law."
Are you trying to kill her?"
"Although the idea may be tempting, that is not my intent.
Just watch."
With that, the sharks organize themselves beneath the woman, and ride
her on their backs all the way to shore, safely depositing her.
"What in the world gave you the notion that would happen," asked the
first lifeguard.
"Professional courtesy."
The Truth can only ever be told in the contradictions. Or in Silence.
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 11:19 pm: |
|
I'm not saying our new receptionist is dumb, but this is how she
filled out her insurance forms:
Date of Birth: January 12, 1998
Weight: 6 pounds, 10 ounces
Height: 20 inches
~
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
During the course of being interviewed by the press, the noted famous
doctor was asked by a reporter:
"Tell me, Doctor, did you ever make any really serious mistakes in your
career?"
"Yes, I did," came the doctor's reply with a heavy sigh.
"I once cured a millionaire in just three visits."
The Truth can only ever be told in the contradictions. Or in Silence.
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 11:16 pm: |
|
This is a conversation that took place between a person(Y) in the public and a marketing guy(X).
X: Which shaving cream do you use?
Y: Baba's
X: Which aftershave do you use?
Y: Baba's
X: Which deodorant do you use?
Y: Baba's
X: Which toothpaste do you use?
Y: Baba's
X: Which shampoo do you use?
Y: Baba's
X(Frustrated): O.k. tell me, What is this Baba? Is it an international company???
Scroll down!!!
Y: No, He is my roommate.
The Truth can only ever be told in the contradictions. Or in Silence.
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 11:16 pm: |
|
A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."
When the woman returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"
The woman nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?"
"No, from skipping."
The Truth can only ever be told in the contradictions. Or in Silence.
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 03:53 am: |
|
The scene is sometime in the old era when cockpits had
round dials plus flight engineers and navigators. The
crusty old-timer captain is breaking in a brand new
navigator.
The captain opens his briefcase, pulls out a .38 and
rests it on the glare panel. He asks the navigator,
"Know what this is for?"
"No, sir," replies the newbie.
"I use it on navigators that get us lost," explains
the captain, winking at his first officer.
The navigator then opens his briefcase, pulls out a
.45 an sets it on his chart table.
"What's THAT for?" queries the surprised captain.
"Well, sir," replies the navigator, "I'll know we're lost before you will."
The Truth can only ever be told in the contradictions. Or in Silence.
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 03:50 am: |
|
My friends and I had joined a weight-loss
organization. At one meeting the instructor held up an
apple and a candy bar. "What are the attributes of
this apple," she asked, "and how do they relate to our
diet?"
"Low in calories" and "lots of fiber" were among the
answers.
She then detailed what was wrong with eating candy,
and concluded, "Apples are not only more healthful but
also less expensive. Do you know I paid 75¢ for this
candy bar?" We stared as she held aloft the forbidden
treat.
From the back of the room a small voice spoke up:
"I'll give you a dollar for it."
The Truth can only ever be told in the contradictions. Or in Silence.
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, May 10, 2005 - 03:44 am: |
|
A woman was in court charged with wounding her
husband.
"But why did you stab him over a hundred times?" asked
the judge.
"Oh, your Honor," replied the defendant, "I didn't
know how to switch off the electric carving knife
The Truth can only ever be told in the contradictions. Or in Silence.
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, May 09, 2005 - 03:32 am: |
|
This woman decides to buy a new cupboard that you have to assemble
yourself. Back home she reads the instructions carefully and assembles
the cupboard in the bedroom. It looks really neat. Then, a train
passes and the whole cupboard collapses.
Thinking that she must have done something wrong she rereads the
instructions and reassembles the cupboard. Then, a train passes and the
cupboard collapses again.
Now, fed up she calls customer service. She is told that this is quite
impossible and that they'll send along a technician to have a look.
The technician arrives and assembles the cupboard. Then, a train passes
and the cupboard collapses. Completely baffled by this unexpected
event, the technician decides to reassemble the cupboard and get inside
it to see whether he can find out what causes the cupboard to collapse.
At this point, the woman's husband comes home, sees the cupboard and
says:"That's a nice looking cupboard", and opens it.
The technician says. . .
"You may find this hard to believe, but I'm just standing here
waiting for the next train."
The Truth can only ever be told in the contradictions. Or in Silence.
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, May 05, 2005 - 03:25 am: |
|
The next time you hear a politician use the words "billion" casually,
think about whether you want that politician spending your tax money.
A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising
agency did a good job of putting that figure into perspective in one of
its releases:
A billion seconds ago, it was 1959.
A billion minutes ago, Jesus was alive.
A billion hours ago, our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.
A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate
Washington spends it.
The Truth can only ever be told in the contradictions. Or in Silence.
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: 
Votes: 1 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, May 04, 2005 - 03:05 am: |
|
Stan was dying. His wife, Esther, was maintaining a
vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand, tears
running down her face. Her praying roused him
from his slumber; He looked up and his pale lips began
to move slightly.
"Esther my darling" he whispered.
"Hush my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk."
He was insistent. "Esther," he said in his tired
voice, "I have something that I must confess."
There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping
Esther, "Everything's all right, go to sleep."
"No, no. I must die in peace, Esther. I ... I slept
with your sister, your best friend, her best friend,
and your mother!"
I know, sweetheart," whispered Esther, "let the poison
work."
The Truth can only ever be told in the contradictions. Or in Silence.
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, May 04, 2005 - 02:59 am: |
|
During his visit to the United States the Pope met with President Clinton. Instead of just an hour as scheduled, the meeting went on for two days. Finally, a weary President Clinton emerged to face the waiting news media. The President was smiling and announced the summit was a resounding success. He said he and the Pope agreed on 80% of the matters they discussed. Then Mr. Clinton declared he was going home to the White House to be with his family.
A few minutes later the Pope came out to make his statement. He looked tired, discouraged and was practically in tears. Sadly he announced his meeting with the President was a failure.
Incredulous, one reporter asked, "But your Holiness, President Clinton just announced the summit was a great success and the two of you agreed on 80% of the items discussed".
Exasperated, the Pope answered, "Yes, but we were talking about the Ten Commandments."
The Truth can only ever be told in the contradictions. Or in Silence.
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, May 04, 2005 - 02:56 am: |
|
Last Sunday, the Gospel was the one about the ten bridesmaids. The five good bridesmaids remembered to take plenty of oil for their lamps; five bad bridesmaids did not.
The priest at our church is always very fiery and his sermons always end on a high note.
Last Sunday the priest ended with...
"Where would you rather be? In the light with the five good bridesmaids or in the dark with the five bad bridesmaids?"
I wasn't the only one who got it wrong!
The Truth can only ever be told in the contradictions. Or in Silence.
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, May 04, 2005 - 02:52 am: |
|
The Easter Bunny
After hunting around the house, two children have found their Easter baskets and are enjoying them. Soon one asks, "Who colored all these eggs?"
To which his sister replied, "The Easter bunny."
"Who gave us the jelly beans?"
"The Easter bunny."
"And the chocolate rabbits?"
"The Easter bunny."
Obviously, there was nothing beyond the reach of the Easter bunny.
The family attended Easter services and heard the preacher say, "They came to the tomb and saw that the stone had been rolled back. Who could have done this?"
To which the little boy jumped up in the pew and said... "The Easter Bunny
The Truth can only ever be told in the contradictions. Or in Silence.
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating:
Votes: 1 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, May 02, 2005 - 03:39 am: |
|
Out of the mouth of babies!!!
A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol. The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a jar of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a jar of good clean soil.
At the conclusion of the Sermon, the Minister reported the following results:
The first worm in alcohol - Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead.
The third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead.
The fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.
So the Minister asked the congregation - What can you learn from this demonstration?
A small child in the back quickly raised her hand and said, "As long as you drink, smoke, and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"
Signature ?! Any one got a pen I can borrow...?
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Monday, May 02, 2005 - 03:36 am: |
|
Deer Prayer
The Wednesday-night church service coincided with the last day of
hunting season.
Or pastor asked who had bagged a deer.
No one raised a hand.
Puzzled, the pastor said, "I don't get it. Last Sunday many of you
said you were missing because of hunting season. I had the whole
congregation pray for your deer."
One hunter groaned, "Well, it worked. They're all safe."
Signature ?! Any one got a pen I can borrow...?
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, April 29, 2005 - 03:22 am: |
|
Jill went to the bank and applied for a loan.
"I want a loan, I'm going to divorce my husband."
"Oh, we don't give loans for divorces" the manager
says "We make loans for appliances, automobiles,
businesses, home improvements...."
Jill interrupts and says "Well, this is certainly a
'Home Improvement.'
Signature ?! Any one got a pen I can borrow...?
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, April 29, 2005 - 03:21 am: |
|
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two guys were discussing life in general over drinks
one night. "My grandfather lived to be 96."
"Ninety-six? What finally got him???"
"Liquor and women."
"Well, that just goes to show ya," snickered the one
guy, "both will get you in the end."
"Well actually, no, it's not what ya think. Towards
the end, Grandpa couldn't get either one, so he just
laid down and died."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Signature ?! Any one got a pen I can borrow...?
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating:
Votes: 1 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, April 26, 2005 - 03:08 am: |
|
KIDS
Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool.
"You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said the lifeguard. "I'm going to report you."
"But everyone pees in the pool," said Little Johnny.
"Maybe," said the lifeguard, "but not from the 10 foot diving board!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BAD,BAD,BAD,SURE TO GET MAIL ON THIS ONE
A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids...
"WOW," the social worker exclaims, "Are they ALL YOURS???"
"Yep they are all mine," the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.
She says, "Sit down Leroy. All the children rush to find seats.
"Well," says the social worker, then you must be here to sign up.
I'll need all your children's names."
"This one's my oldest - he is Leroy." "OK, and who's this one?"
Well, this one he is Leroy, also." The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues.
One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy.
Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Leighroy!
"All right..." says the caseworker, "I'm seeing a pattern here.
Are they ALL named Leroy?" Their Momma replied, "Well, yes - it makes it easier.
When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I just yell 'Leroy!'
An' when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' an' they all come a runnin.'
An 'if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell 'Leroy' and all of them stop.
It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Leroy."
The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively,
"But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?"
"Ah, that's so easy," said the momma. "Then I calls them by their last names."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Signature ?! Any one got a pen I can borrow...?
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating:
Votes: 1 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, April 26, 2005 - 03:07 am: |
|
Ferari Joke
A hip young man goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand
new Ferrari GTO. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it
costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light.
An old man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to
him. The old man looks over at the sleek, shiny car and asks, "What kind
of car ya' got there sonny?"
The young man replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!"
"That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?"
"Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the young dude
proudly.
The Moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?"
"No problem," replies the owner. So the old man pokes his head in the
window and looks around.
Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice
car, all right...but I"ll stick with my Moped!"
Just then the light changes, so the guy decides to show the old man just
what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds, the
speedometer reads 160 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view
mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it
could be and suddenly WHHHOOOOOOSSSSSHHH! Something whips by him going
much faster!
"What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?" the young man
asks himself. He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250
mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped!
Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and
passes the
moped at 275 mph. WHOOOOOOOSHHHHH! He's feeling pretty good until he
looks
in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!
Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and
takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph. Not ten seconds later, he
sees the Moped bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and
there's nothing he can do!
Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the
rear end. The young man stops and jumps out and unbelievably the old man
is still alive. He runs up to the mangled old man and says, "Oh My God!
Is there anything I can do for you?"
The old man whispers...
"Unhook...my...suspenders...from...your...side-view.......mirror.
Signature ?! Any one got a pen I can borrow...?
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, April 26, 2005 - 03:04 am: |
|
Programmer and project manager :-
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man
down below.He lowers the balloon further and shouts, 'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am".
The man below says, 'Yes. You are in a hot air balloon,hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees North latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees West longitude.'
'You must be a programmer,' says the balloonist.
'I am,' replies the man. 'How did you know?'
'Well,' says the balloonist, 'everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no
idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost.'
The man below says, 'You must be a project manager
'I am,' replies the balloonist, 'but how did you know?'
'Well,' says the man, 'you don't know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep,and you expect someone to solve your problem.'
Signature ?! Any one got a pen I can borrow...?
|
Incredible
Posted From: 210.211.224.176
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, April 21, 2005 - 07:16 am: |
|
endi babailu. Joke bagoleda?
erikapalemollante ekasekkaluga vundenti? 
|
Incredible
Posted From: 210.211.224.176
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, April 21, 2005 - 05:04 am: |
|
One man was on his drive. Suddenly an sardar comes opposite him in a new honda bike and says "Kabhi Honda Chalaya Kya!!". This man dont take it serious. Again same sardar returns ans says "Kabhi Honda Chalaya kya!". This man gets agry. After driving for sometime..he finds sardarji and his bike on road in very bad condition. To make fun of him, Man goes and asks Sardarji "Kabhi Honda Chalaya Kya?!!". Sardar says "Wohi to mein bhi pooch ra hoon. Ye bike ka brek nahi lag raha hai!!"
If any typos,im sorry.
erikapalemollante ekasekkaluga vundenti?
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, April 21, 2005 - 01:48 am: |
|
A young Indian man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and
that
he is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to
bring
over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The
mother
agrees.
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits
them
down on the couch and they chat for a while.He then says, "Okay Ma,
guess
which one I'm going to marry."
She immediately replies, "The one on the right."
"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"
The Indian mother replies, "Becoz, I don't like her."
When the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem begins to
resemble a nail.
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, April 21, 2005 - 01:43 am: |
|
Day Cycle of S/W Engg
void main()
do
{
Morning may start with meditation for first few days then perhaps this
activity is given up as one dont feel to get up early morning.
Brushing ! Yup an essential , but some people keep it optional.
Shaving again an optional thing but many prefer doing that.
A cool Bath : Oh God, Nahana padega ! Another optional activity. Many
use
deo instead.
Choice of clothes is best from the available wardrobe.
Full Speed se office.
Thodi chai/coffee + Biscuit + Chips ho jaye
Work starts with checking mails. Usually millions of FWDs and few
personal
friends. Only few ppl say that they get official mails (Fwds from
mentors)
Ok lets login to Yahoo / Msn / ........ all possible available
messengers.
Time for Conferences( Group / Individual).
Parallely write code ( Replies to emails )
Ok enough , Let me start work.
Sudden appearance of Boss/ Mentor. Damm ! why he has to talk to me !
[image: 36_1_44[1]] Bad luck ! sara Impression pani me behe gaya !
Sometimes frustration may result in damage to CPU / MOUSE. Such events
are
rare but they may happen.
Right ?
Chalta hai yaar dekh lunga jaab permanent ho jaunga , Now let me
work[image:
sleeping]
Are , shayad mail Aaaya hai. Wow cool Fwd [image: thumbs_up] Sahi yaar,
Let
me too fwd them to all.
Yuppy ! Lunch [image: 36_1_9[1]] Khao kaho yummy
Lunch ho gaya ! Thodi chai bhi ho jaye. Kya yaar , kash ye smoke
detectors
nahi hote to kitna aacha hota.
Check mails. Why the hell people dont mail me. Or is POP3 Server down.
Check
settings.
Yaar immediately kaun kaam shuru kare , let me chat.
( Some popular Chat Topics :
Tell other coleague/friends "I got lot of work yaar no time to chat"
Gossips : GF / BF
Plans for weekend movie/trip
)
Ok whats new on net , any new utility/virus , any convertor for free. I must be updated to have a topic to
speak at
weekend in friends.
Enough chatting and browsing , back to work.
Baas ek cup aur. Aaj chai badiya hai ( Its always taste the same ).
Free Snacks , Yummy (after all free hai).
Canteen me ek chakkar maar hi lete hai.
( Chalo aaye hai toh ek match ho jaye TT Championship 2005 )
Oops almost end of day Now let me work ( Create printout / photocopies
of
already available code & documents[image: wink] smart ha !)
Shixt man , ye clock itni slow kyu hai. If i go before time then
impression
will be bad and everyone will come to know the truth.
Yes ! Ho gaya time jane ka. Hurray !
Make few important phone calls and few personal calls ( Muje kaunsa bill
bharna hai ) "I am free"
Day over Spend an hour out
aab aa hi gaya huun to jym bhi chalte hai
Ek se kya hoga, Let me try more (More weights more muscles)
*H*ave Dinner and [image: sleeping]
} while( ! *12* months over);
return Permanent_Job;
}
When the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem begins to
resemble a nail.
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, April 15, 2005 - 07:21 am: |
|
Mohabbatein
Mohabbat ek se ho to woh Bholapan hai
Mohabbat do se ho to woh Apnapan hai
Mohabbat teen se ho to woh Deewanapan hai
Mohabbat char se ho to woh Pagalpan hai
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Aur agar Iske Baad Bhi Counting na ruke
To woh KAMINAPAN HAI
When the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem begins to
resemble a nail.
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating:
Votes: 1 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, April 15, 2005 - 07:20 am: |
|
Read those Shocking Telegrams .....
TELEGRAM #1
A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a
telegram to his wife: "I wish you were here."
The message received by wife:
"I wish you were her."
*********************************************************************
TELEGRAM #2
A wife with near maturing pregnancy goes to railway station to return
to her husband. At the reservation counter, while her turn came, it
was
the last ticket. Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the
queue,she offered her berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to
her
husband whi! ch reached as:
"Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an
old lady."
********************************************************************
TELEGRAM #3
A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party.
So he goes to order a birthday cake.
The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake.
Well he thinks for a while and says:
Let's put, "you are not getting older you are getting better".
The salesman asks, "How do you want me to put it?"
The man says, Well put "You are not getting older", at the top and
"You are getting better" at the bottom.
The real fun didn't start until the cake was opened the entire party
watched the message decorated on the cake:
"You are not getting older at the top, you are getting better at the
bottom".
*********************************************************************
TELEGRAM #4
A man from Agra went to Ajmer. His wife was in her pa! rent's house in
Delhi.
When the man went to Ajmer, he asked his servant to send a telegram
to
his wife indicating about his trip to Ajmer.
He sent a telegram. When the wife received the telegram, she fainted.
It was written: 'Sethji aaj mar gaye! (Sethji Ajmer gaye).
When the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem begins to
resemble a nail.
|
Suja_m
Posted From: 210.210.40.229
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, April 06, 2005 - 03:58 am: |
|
nice jokes director...first one the kids joke is really good....
Know that all is well always.
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Wednesday, April 06, 2005 - 02:11 am: |
|
A couple had two little boys, ages 3 and 5, who were excessively
mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents
knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were
probably involved. The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had
been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak
to her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually.
So the mother sent her 3-year-old first, in the morning.
The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down
and asked him sternly,
"Where is God?
They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there
with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the
question in an even stern tone,
"Where is God?"
Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his
voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed,
"WHERE IS GOD!?"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove
into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother
found him in the closet, he asked,
"What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied,
"We are in BIG trouble this time, Brother....
GOD is missing - and they think We did it !!!!!!
When the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem begins to
resemble a nail.
|
Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating:
Votes: 1 (Vote!) | | Posted on Friday, March 18, 2005 - 02:26 am: |
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Just Read it.
It's half past 8 in the office but the lights are still on..PCs still runnning, coffee machines still buzzing..and whose at work..Most of them??
Take a closer look.. All or most specimens are 20-something male species of the human race..look closer..again all or most of them are bachelors..and why are they sitting late? Working hard? No way!! Any guesses?? lets ask one of them..Here's what he says.."Arey yaar, whatz there 2 do after goin home..idhar to net hein, AC hein, phone hein, khaana hein, coffee hein..
to
jam ke khaao, jam ke piyo(burps), jam se chatting/phone karo aur thak jaane par ghar jaao...aur boss bhi kush that i am working late...(burps) aur khaane ka paisa bhi bachtaa hein."
This is the scene in most software companies and other off-site offices.
Bachelors "time-passing" during late hours in the office just bcoz they say they've nothing else to do..Now what r the consequences.. read on..."working"(for the record only) late hours soon becomes part of the company culture. With bosses more than eager to provide support to those "working" late in the form of taxi vouchers, food vouchers and of course good feedback,(oh, he's a hardworker..goes home only to change..!!) they arent helping things too..To hell with bosses who dont understand the difference between "sitting" late and "working" late!! Very soon, the managers start expecting all employees to put in extra working hours.
My dear Bachelor bhaais let me tell you, life changes when u get married and start having a family..office is no longer a prioroty, family is..and thats when the problem starts.bcoz u start having commitments at home too.
For your boss, the earlier "hardworking" guy suddenly seems to become a "early leaver" even if u leave an hour after regular time..after doing the same amount of work, People leaving on time after doing ther taks for the day are labelled as work-shirkers..Girls who thankfully always leave on time are labelled as "not up to it". All the while, the bachelors pat their own backs and carry on "working" not realising that they r spoiling the work culture at their own place and never realise that they wuld have to regret at one point of time.
So bhaai log, what's the moral of the story.?? Very clear, LEAVE ON TIME!!
Never put in extra time unless really needed. Dont stay back un-necessarily and spoil your company work culture which will in turn cause inconvenience to you and your colleagues. There are hundred other things to do in the evening.. Learn music..Learn a foreign language..Try go-karting... Get a girl friend, take her around town. And for heaven's sake net cafe rates have dropped to an all-time low(plus, no fire-walls) and try cooking for a change.
Take a tip from the Smirnoff ad: "Life's calling, where are you??"
Please pass on this message to all those colleagues whom you know stay back in office for everything other than work. And please do it before leaving time, dont stay back till midnight to send this to your friends !!
You may be disappointed if you fail,but you are doomed if you don't try!!!!
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Darth_vader
Posted From: 68.23.39.171
Rating:
Votes: 1 (Vote!) | | Posted on Thursday, March 17, 2005 - 09:47 pm: |
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Director ki 5 *'s guddindhi vahini so director babu nuvvu kuda inka ninchi guddali adhe type lo sarena 
Who The Fuck Says Education Is Bad.....It's The Worst Thing Ever To Happen In The History Of Mankind
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Aavakaaya
Posted From: 195.220.151.50
Rating:
Votes: 2 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, March 15, 2005 - 08:51 am: |
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Height of Patriotism:
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U sitting on an English toilet in Indian style. |
Pawanfan_blore
Posted From: 220.227.179.5
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, March 15, 2005 - 07:09 am: |
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nee id lage undi nee joke aavakaaya......
bagundi......simple n short....
pawan, the mighty mega star
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Aavakaaya
Posted From: 195.220.151.50
Rating:
Votes: 1 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, March 15, 2005 - 06:41 am: |
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Whose mother had the most
painful delivery?
Guess?
Still thinking...
SUNNY DEOL
Why?
He himself said -
"main nikla, gaddi leke" |
Vahini23
Posted From: 196.12.46.41
Rating: N/A
Votes: 0 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, March 15, 2005 - 06:19 am: |
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Goodone director....
Vahini
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Thedirector
Posted From: 203.129.207.168
Rating:
Votes: 1 (Vote!) | | Posted on Tuesday, March 15, 2005 - 06:03 am: |
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Clever Engineer }
A mathematician and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a
long flight. The mathematician leans over to the engineer and asks if
he would like to play a fun game. The engineer just wants to take a
nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a
few winks.
The mathematician persists and explains that the game is real easy and
lots of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know
the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't
know the answer, I'll pay you $5."
Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep. The
mathematician, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know
the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay
you $50!"
This catches the engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this
torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The mathematician
asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the
moon?"
The engineer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls
out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the mathematician.
Now, it's the engineer's turn. He asks the mathematician "What goes up
a hill with three legs and comes down on four?"
The mathematician looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out
his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into
the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of
Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers all to no
avail.
After about an hour, he wakes the engineer and hands him $50. The
engineer politely takes the $50 and turns away to try to get back to
sleep.
The mathematician then hits the engineer, saying, "What goes up a hill
with three legs, and comes down on four?" The engineer calmly pulls
out his wallet, hands the mathematician five bucks, and goes back to
sleep.
You may be disappointed if you fail,but you are doomed if you don't try!!!!
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jokes & fun 
